June/21/2011

Well, for one my name is Jess.


Im am currently 17 years old, and I live in Texas. Its summer break right now.
Im trying to work really hard to lose weight, fast enough that there will be a definite change when I return back to school from Summer. I am current 173lbs, and when I began this little "Adventure" I was 198lbs on March 10th, 2011.
There are some days when im heading for the long haul and then there are days when I eat until I look like a squirrel. I do believe the proper term for my diagnoses is Bulimic. Yeah, you don't see much of us around now-a-days. Anorexics like to taste their food once, and hate themselves for the rest of the day. Bulimics taste the greatness twice out of punishment, and continue the rest of our day with out throats burning.
Today I have never before felt so guilty about eating, and then throwing up.
I was on the phone with my friend Pruitt, and he told me that there was somethings he couldn't stand. One of them was E.D.'s. Of course naturally with my stubbornness and sarcastic-bitch nature, I was thinking "Oh, He is probably going to tell me how he had one, or someone close had it and hes going to try to guilt trip me. Right?" Wrong.
Apparently his mother was Anorexic with Bulimic tendencies, and if she kept the rate she was going, he would not have been born. She was completely mortify by the weight changes because of the baby growing inside of her so she decided to try to starve him out.
And after hearing this I was like- "Maybe a slice or two of pizza won't hurt.." But guilt came in and kicked my conscious until it was bruised. I told him I had to go, then I proceeded with throwing up and also jogging on the treadmill for 30 minutes.


Im only half way through the day. Im absolutely scared about dinner.